Rock Against Children

An Elder Red Menace

Ginger Kids are known throughout time as horrible menaces. They are easily spotted with their pale skin, menacing red hair and freckles. Their temperament knows no bounds.  It is of no coincidence that the devil is colored red.  Keep in mind most of the villains in the bible also have red hair.

In the days of the Vikings and their conquests. The Gaddgedlar were a sort of ginger kid division of warriors. The were well known for their lust of rapine and pillage. They also had a thing for church burning. A little known fact, but Yosemite Sam was a direct descendant of these pagans and given the chance, Bugs Bunny would have undergone The Blood Eagle.

Our brothers in England tried to suppress this Red Menace with endless taunting and public humiliation. They still practice it to this day. This tactic seemed to have backfired a little bit, instead of shunning them and keeping them in the dark, it has only encouraged these pale skinned heathens to grow more resilient and hateful.

As children, Ginger Kids are known to be somewhat savage and rebellious. They are prone to sugar addictions early on. Scientists are looking into whether or not they have hearing problems, as they never listen to anything sensible. This problem can carry on for years. Others will say that they only follow their satanic master’s voice. A genetic throwback from their pagan ancestors. Their tantrums are legendary. What sailors thought were banshees were actually starving, hateful Ginger Kids that were in a failed attempt left to die. I say failed because the howls of these freckled demons would drive the sailors mad and they would crash upon the rocks. These spotted devils would then descend and feast on the bodies of the dead sailors.

Rare footage of an abandoned Ginger Kid and her familiar

If and when they reach adulthood, they seem to posses a certain strength, no matter how wiry, and a hyper activity known only as a whirling dervish. In the olden days this was what the Vikings called “Beserker Mode”.  The females of this vile species are know to get pregnant really fast and often.

This savage infantry does have it’s weaknesses. Usually they are not that smart. For proof, I’d like to pull out all of Scotland as Exhibit A. So while they are cunning, they can indeed be out foxed. Copper tops are also fond of alcohol, generally in large quantities, as well as nicotine. It is rumored that if you are being chased by a gaggle of young freckled hoodlums, you can deter them by throwing a bottle of scotch one way and a pack of Marlboros the other. These pale skinned hellions are also susceptible to the power of the sun. Proof that these heathens are not only godless, but were originally spawned in the depths of hell. The awesome strength of the sun tends to make them red all over, thus showing their true colors and burning them badly. It is said that if a Ginger Kid is left in the sun for several hours, they will in fact combust.

They are not something you can ignore. They feast on your patience and eat away at your comfort zones till you cave in and obey. Be prepared and willing to dispatch these foes as swiftly as possible. Take caution and beware!

Stop them before they stop you!

This entry was posted on December 9, 2009 at 7:30 pm and is filed under Know Your Enemy with tags abort now!, abortion, bad comedy, bad taste, carrot top, Children, copper tops, evil, ginger kids, humor, redheads, rock against children. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.